The Shark Week Saga or Why I Will Never Be A 90 Pound American Apparel Model

So I was just in the shower, washing my hair, and I decided to put some olive oil on it, because in case you didn't know, apparently that makes your hair shiny and soft (in my case those things are synonymous with soft and greasy, like pasta, which is fitting.)  And all I could think was, my hair smells like the bread at Olive Garden....should I have some before-bed ice cream to go with my at-work ice cream?

And then of course, I came to the tragic realization that I will never be ninety pounds because I eat alllll of the things.

*Disclaimer: I do not really care about being 90 pounds.  I am not a morbidly obese person with unrealistic goals, nor am I three feet tall, so being ninety pounds is not really a "thing" for me.

Anyway, as I was massaging the olive oil into my hair, I made a scientific discovery!  The reason why I am incapable of resisting all the things (foodwise) is because of Shark Week.

For those of you who don't know what Shark Week is, it is not, in fact, the TV special that features lots of videos of sharks, I am assuming.  I am just calling Shark Week Shark Week here so as not to offend the delicate sensibilities of my readers, of whom I am certain there are many.

So, anyway, according to Science, the Cycle of Shark Week goes like this:

But according to ME, the cycle goes like this:

You can all thank me later for this dose of Science.