Celery

In an effort to eat something other than corn chips and breads of all kinds, I decided to buy some celery while I was at the grocery store. Now, I knew going into my celery adventure that I am not the biggest celery fan. However, as celery is mostly water and has basically no flavor, I thought that it would be a good way to pretend to be eating healthy things and that it would be very easy for me to mask any flavor the celery might have with something else. Like peanut butter, for example. I mean, have you ever put peanut butter in/on something? You put one fifteenmilionth of a spoonful of peanut butter in a milkshake or smoothie and it is a freakin peanut butter smoothie. It doesn't matter if the other ingredients are raw salmon and lemon juice. The thing will taste like peanut butter.

So today when I got home from work, I thought to myself, self, you have eaten nothing but movie theater popcorn for about 6 hours. You should probably try to put something in your body that is not going to literally kill you. As it was already almost 11:00 PM, I decided that my super special snack was going to be celery, and since I was not yet feeling brave enough to put hummus on it (I don't know why, because hummus is my favorite food EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR and I am not saying this in a sarcastic tone) I decided that I would put peanut butter on my celery. I put a lot. We're talking a ratio of about 16 parts peanut butter to 1 part celery.

I don't know how the celery did it, guys. I don't understand how this possibly could have happened. But I couldn't finish all 3 sticks? pieces? whatever you call them, of celery, because celery is nasty bullcrap.

There, I said it. Celery is literally the worst thing ever. I don't care that it's a negative calorie food, or whatever. I don't know anyone that can eat celery without drowning it in something, and I'm pretty sure that the drowning thing un negatives the negative calorie effect.

ALSO. Celery must be freaking magic, because I coated it in peanut butter, meaning that this blog post should not have ever been written because I should not have been able to taste the celery. But I could. Celery managed to make its disgusting, odd-textured self known through a frightening and potentially harmful amount of chunky peanut butter.

I am not a picky eater, by the way. I don't eat meat, but I will eat pretty much anything else. All vegetables, fruits, whatever are up for grabs. But not freaking celery.

Also not bananas, but that's another post.