Hypotheticals

So, I was hanging out with my roommates, which was odd in and of itself because we generally don't all hang out together, and of course the topic got turned to boys. I mean, come on. Of course it did. Don't pretend to be surprised.

And then, of course, the topic got turned to boys that I like, because, ya know, I guess everyone has to share.

And then my roommate, Clare, bless her heart, tells me that I should "

go over to his house and just kiss him and leave RIGHT NOW."

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaha.

Here's how I imagine that would go down:

Me: Uhh...hi. Is so and such home?

So and Such's Roommate: Uhh...I think so. Who are you?

Me: I'm Chloe...can I just talk to So and Such for a second? (Said like I are going to throw up all over my shoes at any second)

So and Such's Roommate: Yeah, OK. I think so and such is in his room.

I knock on So and Such's door. He answers, sees me, and looks very, very confused.

So and Such: Hi Chloe. What the balls are you doing in my apartment/house/

condo?

Me: Uhhhhh.... (Tries not to have a repeat of the geocaching incident of '09) I uhm...need to talk to you.

So and Such: OK, but I have a lot to do and I'm really not sure why you're here unannounced.

We go into So and Such's room. So and Such looks at me like he is not sure whether or not I am completely sane and sober. Finally he sits down at a desk or on his bed or something and I sit down next to him. I try to sit closer to him but he moves away with a terrified look on his face

Or alternatively does not pick up what I am trying to do at all.

Me: So, my roommate said I should come over here and kiss you HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I continue laughing while So and Such looks on, not sure how to respond. Finally, I make some sort of erratic head movement in his direction, then either pass out, run away, or smack heads with him so hard that one or the other or both of us crack our skulls.

The end.

I don't know how smooth my roommates think that I am (because they kept trying to convince me this was an EXCELLENT plan for about 2 hours) but I can assure you, I am about as smooth as...an unsmooth thing. Oatmeal? I don't know. I have about as much game as John Heder even after John Heder made some money in the movies which should have given him more game (my apologies to John Heder if you are under the illusion that you have game and that you don't have milk teeth. Also, I couldn't think of a phenomenal example of someone with no game, except maybe myself again)

Pictured: Me on a "hike" a few years ago

Not pictured: Game.